die, it! diiiiiieeeett!! die, diet, die!! die, die, die, my diet!!!
Well.. does anybody else feel this way? Anyone else have strong feelings and pent up aggression towards the ever lurking dark figure of diet and its restrictive and constrictive hands around the throats of the innocent? You know what, we feel the same damn way. I want you to take the concept of “diet” that you have built up in your head, and do just what me mentioned; make it DIE. Kill the diet, we don’t even have a burial plot reserved for it in the crypt. Burn it, burn the evidence, clean the blood, wrap it in a sheet and drive it to Tijunana, you know that drill and DON’T make me remind you. Diets are more wack than that one Morbid Angel record.. yes, they’re THAT wack. The inherent problem with the “diet” is that it immediately suggests and summons negative energy (and not even the cool kind), restrictive and limited eating/drinking, which leads to unhappiness and frustration, and for what.. to loose a couple pounds? Then when your diet is “over” you crawl your way over to the XL Sausage and Extra Chesse and that bottle of Cabernet like the Tar Man from the Return of the Living Dead. And guess what, not only do you feel like our boy the Tar Man after you send that in eternal resting within your stomach lining, you’ve derailed 75%-90% of the “progress” you’ve made on your “die-it.” That may be a slightly gross over exaggeration, but being a personal trainer/health and wellness coach/angry metal head that hates corporate establishments/crypt keeper you know, it’s not that terribly uncommon. I've seen it happen before my eyes like a werewolf transformation.. physically, mentally, and metaphysically. And that’s why your “diet” SUCKS. More than Dracula himself.
Stop wasting your energy wrestling with the demons of what foods you can and can’t eat and what you have to do if you do or do not indulge in said foods or drink. Diet does not, will not, and should not, control your life. Thats up to YOU. And the devil. So, Im about to hit you with the DEATH COMES DIET. Yep. Because no matter what you do, how tight that diet is, or how much tighter your waist is.. guess what… Death is coming anyway. Therefore, freaks, don’t over think this business. The reaper does not give a single goddamn how many abdominal muscles you have visible and your coffin will fit you just as well if you have that extra love handle or not. At the end of the day, we’ll all weigh the same.. depending on the going rate of decomposition. It’s just a matter of time, I suppose. SO. Here’s the DEATH COMES DIET. ARE YOU READY. HERE’S THE ETHOS.. RIGHT BEFORE YOUR EYES.. DON’T TELL ANYONE OR WELL HAVE TO KILL YOU.. READY.. SET..
CUT. THE. FUCKING. SHIT.
Period at the end of the Death Certificate. That is ALL you have to do. ESPECIALLY if you’re new to this whole diet/workout realm from beyond. If you are reading this, if you follow Death Comes Lifting in the slightest, if you are a fan of the music and movies we’re fans of.. guess what.. you’re already way more intelligent than the average gym going meathead… like, times ten. I give all you freaks the most credit in the goddamn world, you’re smart. You KNOW what you should be eating and what you shouldn’t.. eat what you should. Your mind, body, and soul, or lack thereof, will be happier for it. So, let’s start with a few basic rules of the rotting thumb:
If you can’t go outside and get it from the Earth or an animal, don’t eat it.
If it has list of ingredients longer than a eulogy, don’t eat it.
If it has shit in it that you cannot pronounce, don’t eat it.
Do not eat processed foods. Fuck everything about those. All you are doing is supporting those corporate douchebags and the pharmaceutical companies while making yourself sick and fat… more on that later.
Don’t drink soda. Ever. Fuck everything about it. They mass market that shit to pump your soul full of sugar and keep you under their spell. so, fight the power. That goes for cigarettes too but I’m not here to tell you how to live your goddamn life. At the end of the day, it’s only rock n roll.
Unless it causes you to do some bad shit, in a non-cool way, drink alcohol in moderation.
That’s about it. That was a lot of shit you CAN’T do, right? Let’s turn that negative into a positive and focus on shit you CAN do, and you can eat, and absolutely enjoy yourself. Check it, straight from the Crypt cookbook.
DO eat any and all vegetables and fruit. (Just don’t completely overdo it on fruit do to the natural sugar content but a 2-3 servings as day is no problem. Moderation, freaks.)
DO eat any and all sources of protein that you like!
DO eat any and all healthy fat sources!
DO eat carbohydrates in the form of fruit, veggies and potato variations are preferred. Eat grains (that agree with you) such as rice or oats in moderation… see the theme??)
DO have cheat meals once or twice a week. It depends how bad it is or what you consider a cheat meal, really. Just don’t go completely bat shit crazy. You must be able to enjoy yourself and your life / death on a regular basis. It’s all cool in the crypt.
Please keep in the back of your skulls this as a BASIC dietary guideline. This can be used for everyone but more than likely, beginners to this whole clean eating and hard training life. If you are a competitive bodybuilder, college athlete, or that dude that does way too much CrossFit, you more than likely know what you’re doing and this information probably is not revolutionary or helpful to you. If you are a beginner and are sticking to these guidelines and seeing results, as you get more experienced, we can start to change things up a bit to make smarter choices or eliminate some foods that don’t agree with you. But for now, this is where you need to be, in my humble ass opinion.
You should definitely eat at least 3 times a day, usually more like 5 or 6, meals broken into smaller meals. You might have heard that one before, but it’s tired and true. Yes, there is such a thing to intermittent fasting or fasting in general, and I do absolutely believe there is benefit to that. However, as beginners, I am way more concerned with you freaks getting enough proper nutrients in your corpse rather than try to plan out an intermittent fasting diet. As I said before, this can come in a few months down the road, if you wish. And there’s plenty of information about that on the inter webs from those incredibly smarter than me, as surprising as that may seem. SO, my undead professional sports nutrition opinion says.. 3 square meals filled to the gills with protein and vegetables. Plus, 1-3 snacks throughout the day in between. This could be a protein shake or protein bar of your liking (as long as they’re of decent quality and not filled with excess sugar processed carbs and shit, I much prefer doing a shake with a good quality whey powder and adding your own healthy shit to it) any type of nuts or nut butter, salad, etc.. you’re smart. Make it work. Bring the pain.
Additionally, you may have noticed that I do not identify with any diet name or fad. Not keto, not vegan, not vegetarian, not pescatarian, not paleo, not primal, no carnivore, not even blood only.. eat everything and eat a balanced diet.! Just because you’re vegan does not mean you are healthy!! As shocking as that may seem. Conversely the same thing goes for paleo. Try eating steak 4 times a day every day and see how amazing you feel.. odds are, not. If you happen to have your own personal reasons to be following any of the aforementioned diets or similar, I urge to to really study what you are getting through your diet and what you are not. As many of those diets limit nutrients, you will have to supplement accordingly and smartly. Also, vegans especially, make sure you’re getting enough protein that’s quality and not too carb-heavy. For example, quinoa has a decent amount of protein in it. But, to get the adequate amount of protein from it, you will also be ingesting a plethora of carbohydrates. Versus fish, chicken, eggs, protein powder even, have none. Better watch yourself - Zeuss, to Narcissus, 8 AD.
There will be a Death Comes Cooking recipe page coming in HOT in the very near future. So keep your eyelids pried open clockwork orange style for that!! For now, here’s a list of our favorite, most nutrient-dense, bang-for-you-buck, so good it’ll make vampires hungry and repel holy spirits, food choices for you. Conveniently broken into categories, because, I love you freaks.
Spinach, Mushrooms, Kale, Cabbage, Kimchi, Bok Choy, Onions, Hot Peppers, Bell Peppers, Zucchini, Yams, Sweet Potatoes, Purple Potatoes, Red Skin Potatoes, Asparagus, Broccoli, Eggplant
Eggs.. WHOLE EGGS. Grass-Fed Meat of any kind in the form of ground meat, steak, bison, venison, whatever.. just not real cheap poor quality antibiotic filled garbage. Salmon, Whole Milk Greek Yogurt (sugar free), Tuna, Shellfish, and good quality Chicken such as an organic rotisserie, or whatever.
First off all… the naturally occurring fat in your healthy, grass-fed / free-range protein sources is the best. Especially in salmon with its high omega 3 fatty acid profile. If you do not eat such protein sources listed above, I would strongly suggest an Omega 3 Fish Oil Supplement. Additional beneficial fat sources include.. almonds, almond butter, avocado, coconut oil, grass fed butter, ghee, pistachios, pecans, walnuts, and although not the most nutritious of the bunch, peanuts and peanut butter is fine.
Any ands all vegetables listed above and fruits such as pineapples, blueberries, pears, blackberries, raspberries, apples, bananas..etc. A quality rice, oatmeal, quinoa, is cool too.. as long is its not instant and/or flavored garbage.. but I would focus more on the veggies and fat sources before those.
There ya have it freaks..this can all be boiled down into the simple phrase at the begging of this eulogy:
CUT. THE. FUCKING. SHIT.
Give them hell. And fight the power. Any specific questions please email ya dead boy at firstname.lastname@example.org